How to Become a Bridezilla in 6 Steps
We’ve all heard horror stories from friends and loved ones about how a bride-to-be can turn into a bridezilla during the wedding planning process. If you’ve ever wondered how a stable, sensible woman can descend into the dark realm of the bridezilla, here’s a little glimpse behind the curtain.
1. Talk About Nothing but the Wedding
Let’s start bridezilla step #1 on a strong note. There’s nothing that your single friends love more than to hear you talk on and on about every single detail of your wedding. No one else’s challenges, ideas, or conversations matter. Your wedding should always be the main topic of conversation.
2. Set Impossibly High Standards
Step #2 in becoming a fully realized bridezilla is to tell everyone that everything they’re doing is wrong. Even if the person followed your instructions exactly, you must still tell them that they’ve done it wrong. You must also begin yelling, “Do I have to do everything myself?!” Screaming this at people who bend over backward to help you with everything makes them feel wonderful.
3. Ignore Your Fiancé
Although your wedding is ultimately about you pledging your undying love to the man of your dreams, step #3 to becoming a bridezilla demands that you ignore his requests for time alone, date nights, or just some attention. Once he slipped that ring on your finger, your entire world became dedicated to your wedding day — he’s just an accessory in a tux. He should learn to accept this.
4. Demand the Spotlight
As the bride-to-be, it is expected that all of your friends and family will realize that the ring on your finger might as well be a crown because you are the queen of whatever room in which you step. Bridezilla step #4 decrees that you be the center of attention at all times. You expect the most out of your bridesmaids and maid of honor. Once they agreed to be part of your wedding, they sold their souls to you completely and are at your every beck and call.
5. Blow the Budget
Step #5 to fully realizing your bridezilla potential is to take your wedding budget and light it on fire. That budget was merely a guideline. After all, your wedding day only happens once in your life. It’s time to go big or go home. Besides, you can always make more money. And using credit cards boosts your credit score, right?
6. Eat Stress Instead of Food
The final step in your transformation to bridezilla is to decide that your body is unacceptable as it is, so a crash diet is in order. While you’re refraining from eating any real food, you’re instead consuming stress. Your bridesmaids recommend that you take a long, hot bath or massage, and even recommend some calming essential oils that work for them — but you refuse. You use stress as fuel because your stomach is always on empty.
Congratulations, you’re officially a bridezilla! Now, let’s hope you still have friends, family, and a fiancé…